Magical Realism

Host: Barney (and Fist, indirectly) Book: Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

Cast

 * Jackie - Desmond Hamilton
 * Eddie - Ross MacFarlane
 * Wee Jackie - Jack McElhone
 * Clare Pettengill - Anne Dudek
 * Dirka Nilssen - Bonnie Engstrom
 * Janice McCann - Michelle Gomez
 * Barney Glendenning - James Lance
 * Kenny McLeod - Rory McCann
 * Fist de Grooke - Saskia Mulder
 * Rab - Derek Riddell

Part One
Kenny is writing a book in which his self-insert, Angus, lives in a mountain cabin with the beautiful Katrina, who looks a lot like Fist. Clare is writing a book in which her self-insert, Emily, is a student taught by a professor who looks a lot like Barney. Emily’s masterful essay on Dryden has swept him off his feet. Dirka and Janice discuss Fist’s new situation in life as they practice tennis. While training in his racing chair, Kenny encounters Fist on the track. Clare accidentally writes Kenny into her book in the place of the professor. Fist and Kenny continue to train together, and when Kenny gets out of his chair to stretch, Fist is thrilled to discover that he is 6’6”. Dirka and Janice are worried how Fist will get along without the structure that comes with dating a football player. Bart has been playing well and even has the UEFA golden boot; Dirka points out that Fist doesn’t even know what UEFA is. Rab visits the McCann house to return the book he borrowed from Janice. Jackie is the only one home. Kenny tells Fist about his book. Angus’s father, before his death, told his son of a secret place in the hills (Kenny hasn’t yet decided what is hidden there). Rab and Jackie cautiously talk about football. Fist tells Barney about the wonderful things Kenny is doing. She cheerfully turns down Barney’s advances, which disappoints but doesn't discourage him. Emily’s romance with the professor is more promising. Janice crosses paths with Rab when bringing her son home from training. Entering the kitchen in her underwear, Fist decides she and Barney should make a healthy dip to serve at book group.

Part Two
Clare prevents book group conversation from being caught up by the dip. She found Love in the Time of Cholera disappointing because she had liked One Hundred Years of Solitude better; Barney is unimpressed by her assessment. The others are wondering whether Barney and Fist are sleeping together. Clare reveals she hated the book and would rather have read some Allende. Barney becomes increasingly upset, eventually breaking a plate and escaping to the bathroom. Kenny follows him to provide support through the door and figures out that he’s taking heroin. The rest of the group learns that Kenny is writing a book and they are impressed. Kenny writes himself a reminder to send a copy to Clare and all the women are mesmerized by his hands. Barney returns, high and making everyone uncomfortable. Clare says that she’s writing a book too, claiming to be a professional writer who has written three books already. Fist’s explanation for Barney’s behavior is that he has diabetes and is taking insulin. Janice suddenly bursts out in a teary, passionate approval of the book. She liked the romance and the unlikely happy ending. Everyone except Barney supports her. Later, Fist tells Barney that she’d like to write a book too. He thinks it unlikely that her book would be very good. When he tells her she’s lucky because although she’s stupid, she’s very nice to look at, she decides she’s not going to stay with him any longer. In Clare’s book, Emily is visiting the Professor on his deathbed. They don’t see eye to eye on Dryden. As she leaves, she passes Kenneth, a patient who looks like Kenny, and Clare criticizes herself for fantasizing about the people she’s attracted to rather than taking action in real life. Kenneth tells her that she’s a good person.